Dating Advice
by Iamthecookieninja
Summary: "Do the opposite of what she says." Is Kano's advice to Konoha when his relationship with Takane isn't moving along. How will Konoha screw up using this advice?


Hi guys! I forgot to do the disclaimers last time in both of my stories, sorry!

So yeah :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Kagerou Daze or its' characters.

Now that's done...

* * *

A wicked smile was planted on Momo's face as she interrogated the girl in front of her. Her smile grew larger as she saw the older girl squirm underneath her gaze.

Takane's voice was an octave higher when she responded.

"O-of course not! Why the hell would I like Konoha anyway?"

Momo gave an uncharacteristic smirk.

"I dunno, maybe 'cause you fell for him in your past-"

"I don't like him at all!"

Takane's cheeks were oddly tinted red and hair plastered to her face, her breaths came out in short pants like she's just had -Ahem. The authoress won't finish that sentence. This is a rated T fic, but I'm pretty sure you can guess what the authoress was about to say, can't you?

…

…

...

… You thought of it yourself. Don't blame us.

Konoha had a slightly pained look on his face.

"Takane…doesn't like me?"

The girl whirled around to face him, a little guilty but she didn't take it back either and pressed on.

"Yeah! And I never will!"

The androids' shoulders slouched considerably upon hearing those words.

"Oh…okay…"

Kano looked upon this scene as it played out, fisting his hair in frustration. Annoyingly, this was the fifty-eighth time they pushed themselves a step back from becoming a happy couple (yes, he counted.) Jesus, did they not know that everyone was doing their best to _get them together?_ It was so freaking obvious that they should just date and marry and make a billion babies and it was so _damn heartbreaking_ for the Dan every time Takane accidentally made a slip and called Konoha 'Haruka' or Konoha nearly kill any guy that looked at her (or her chest) funny or when Konoha attempts to give Takane a peck on the cheek but gets shoved away at the last minute. Seriously. Heartbreaking. Even Kano had a heart and hoped that they would soon realise their feelings for each other, totally not because he bet Kido thirty bucks that he could get them together within two weeks.

It wasn't just heartbreaking for Kano. It'd be heartbreaking for his wallet too.

Yes, his wallet that only had _twenty buck_s in it. If he failed and didn't have enough money…Kano shivered at the thought, goal made as he set his steely gaze on the pair. He couldn't fail.

His resolve faltered as he saw Konoha trail desolately back to his room, closing the door with a soft 'click'. Kano took a moment to marvel at how Takane had the big guy wrapped around her little finger. Damn, even without his memories, he was still attracted to her- talk about serious power. A cold sweat ran down Kano's back as he made a scary revelation...If Takane could control Konoha...

Technically, Konoha could crush the entire Mekakushi Dan if he wanted to. Not that he wanted to, but _technically_. Technically. Kano kept that at the back of his head every time he talked to the albino. Konoha probably didn't want to hurt any of them, but if Takane had power over the strongest member of the Dan…things could get ugly.

All of a sudden, the door didn't look as innocent as it did five seconds ago. Kano eyed the upright wooden board as he tentatively placed a hand on the knob. He took a deep breath.

_A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do._

Haha. Like he was a man, but whatever.

Kano pushed open the door that led to his doom...

…

…

Okay, so maybe Konoha wasn't as scary as his initial delusions. What he expected to be demon-slayer of fiery hell was staring bleakly at a spot on his wall, muttering something under his breath.

"I'm not good enough…needs better…"

Suddenly Kano felt extremely guilty for only doing this for money, but he sat down beside Konoha on his mattress anyway.

"Hey buddy, got rejected again?"

Konoha ran his fingers through his hair as he looked at Kano with pleading eyes.

"Kano. Takane doesn't like me."

_No Shit_. Kano would say if it were anybody else saying that but Konoha. Konoha was the one and only exception to Takane's hatred. Seriously, how could the guy be so dense? Yep somehow, Konoha believed that it was all just a coincidence when Takane 'accidentally' makes more food than usual for him or when she 'accidentally' overbuys groceries so he can help her, or when she 'accidentally' puts his clothes into hers or vice versa.

"Accidentally" his ass.

But of course, the android was still dense as a rock and Kano was getting sick of it. There were only so many times you could pretend that you didn't slip your clothes into each others basket on purpose until you just need to come clean with your feelings. Not that Kano could talk, he's still struggling to tell Kido that he actually found her underwear really cute even though they were manlier than his.

Not that he looked at her underwear or anything.

"Listen, K-man" Yes, he called Konoha 'K-man'. Don't laugh. It's a manly nickname. "I think you need to- Holy shit!"

The cause of Kano's outburst of filthy language sat in an innocent looking pile by the closed door.

Except it was far from innocent.

"Konoha. Dude. What are you doing with these in your room?"

Kano grabbed a bunch of it as he read the titles on the books. His brow furrowed

'Wha -? _How to confess to a girl_, _Why a girl doesn't like you, Dating 101, _Konoha, can you tell me what the fuck are these?"

The android, for once looked guilty. His pink eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but at the How-to books his friend found.

"I wanted…to find out how to…date"

Kano felt rage bubbling up inside him. That's it. He was not going to lose twenty dollars and a ball sack just because these two blockheads weren't going to confess to one another. He was going to get them together, and if he failed, he would fail knowing that his twenty dollars was lost for a noble cause - even though it completely went against his man code that- Kano didn't make couples, he broke them. _But just this once,_ Kano thought, _just this once, I'll get them together. _

It was time to break out his heavy arsenal of pickup lines and girl tips.

The blond haired boy yanked the other boys' shirt collar roughly towards him as he started speaking, which would've looked cool except for the fact that Kano was a weak little shit and ended up pulling himself towards Konoha too. But whatever.

"Listen here Konoha," Kano's voice was oddly strained, like he was constipated, unlike his normal, cheeky tone. "You want Takane right? You want her to want you too, right? You want her more than a friend, right?"

The slightly freaked out boy nodded slowly as Kano continued on his PMSing warpath.

"Yes? You want that? Then…" Kano's eyes shone somewhat maniacally "Do the opposite."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Konoha stared at him, which was the equivalent off a normal person saying "LOL wut?" But Konoha being the sort-of-ish nice person that he is, only responded with a-

"What?" Konoha's expression was at it's blankest, not that he didn't wear a blank expression al the time, but this one topped the rest.

Kano sighed. No wonder Takane couldn't get her feelings through him. Konoha turned density into a form of art.

"Do the opposite of what she says" Kano explained "Like if she says that she doesn't like you, tell her you like her. Or if she says that you don't need to get her a GUCCI handbag, get it for her, you feeling me here, K-man? Girls are weird like that."

'K-man' nodded his head uncertainly, warming up to the idea.

"O-okay than, Kano'

The blonde flashed him a gay-looking smile, wisely leaving out that he had tried this tip with Kido many, many times. It has also failed many, many times.

But Konoha didn't need to know that.

Kano gave one last pat on the back for his companion as he stood up to leave.

"Good luck, K-man."

This better work.

* * *

And it did. Konoha and Takane ended up dating one week after Kano had the talk with Konoha. Things were going smoothly, so smoothly that it was hard to believe that they were the same people who struggled to say 'thank you' to one another. Things had been going wonderfully for the pair, when Takane said that she didn't like flowers, Konoha went and bought her bouquet. When Takane said that Konoha _wasn't_ an unemotional ice block (comment made by Hibiya) He started smiling more often around her. Everything was perfect. For Kano _and_ his wallet, which still had a twenty dollar bill stuck safely in its' folds. That was, until...

The entire Mekakushi Dan, excluding Takane and Konoha lounged in the living room, gossiping about the latest couple.

"So..." Momo started off "How _did_ you get them together anyway?"

Kano gave a mysterious smile.

"Why are you asking me?" He feigned innocence "I didn't do a thing."

Kido, still wounded over the fact that Kano beat her in the bet, snarled.

"Listen you little punk. Tell us how you did it or else I'll rip your-"

"Whoa!" He laughed "Calm there little tiger, don't chomp my balls off yet."

Kano leaned in and spoke in a hushed whisper, spinning the suspense as far out as he could.

"Well," he paused for dramatic effect, hey it wasn't everyday stuff like this happened to him, you know? "It happened like thi-"

A shrill shriek cut through the lax atmosphere. The members looked at each other. _That was Takanes' scream._ Everybody was on guard instantly, papers were thrown, tea was abandoned and Hiyori mercandise was left as the Dan scrambled towards the exit. The shrieks were rising in volume becoming more and more agitating, Kano stuck his fingers in his ears as he ran, heck, Takane could scream like this? They rushed down the stairs towards the source of the scream coming from...

...Konoha's room?

_What the fuck was going on down there,_ Kano thought as he raced down the stairs. Did Takane get hurt? Did Konoha get hurt? His imaginations ran wild. Did Konoha lose control, turn into Kuroha and hurt Takane? _And why is she still screaming? _The screams grew louder as the Dan approached the room. There was only one way to find out, Kano flung open the door to reveal...

...

...

...Oh my.

On the mattress, Konoha was straddling a struggling Takane with his shirt off. His one hand effortlessly restraining both her arms above her head and his legs sandwiching hers to stop the kicking. He had successfully stripped her of her skirt, revealing-of course, neon blue panties. Clothes were strewn everywhere as she hit him, her attempts to get him off failing epically. See? This is what happens when you have a superpowerful boyfriend. Takane was screaming, skirtless, and about to be topless too due to an extremely horny Konoha now struggling with her jacket zipper.

The entire Dan just stared. And stared. And stared.

"Help me you guys! Rape is a crime!" The plea was hard to take seriously as the albino was now nuzzling her neck gently.

Kano finally broke out of his reverie and blinked at the situation. He cleared is throat and snapped his fingers at the boy.

"Oi. Konoha" The boy looke up, as if for the first time realising their presence.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you, uhh..." Kano indicated to his position with Takane "yeah..."

Konoha looked down at his shrieking girlfriend whom he was going to- quite willingly-strip of her virginity. He looked up again, like he totally wasn't about to commit crime.

"You said...that girls want you to do the opposite of what they say...I asked her if she wanted to have sex an she says no...it means she wants to...?"

All of a sudden Kano felt multiple people glaring at his back, the most destructive one coming form none other than Takane.

Seto shook his head. Mary hid behind Seto. Shintaro clicked his tongue. Kido demanded her money back. Momo sighed, Hibiya sat back with popcorn, saying something about "I'm gonna enjoy this", Konoha stared and Takane...

Takane shoved Konoha off her body - an impressive feat indeed- and came barrelling at our poor protagonist at a speed which shouldn't even be legal. Kano's life flashed before his eyes, he could picture his obituary,

_Kano Shuuya_

_Died age 16_

_Death caused by being tormented and murdered in unspeakable ways by Enemoto Takane_

_An idiot, a nuisance and a liar_

_Rest in Peace_

He should've just given Kido that damn twenty bucks.

* * *

I know that wasn't my best work. I really just needed to get this plot out of my head, it was killing me.

SOOOO... Read and review please? Constructive criticism is welcome. Hopefully you didn't hate it?

Oh, and while you're at it, I'm thinking of doing a multi-chapter Harutaka fic, if you could include your opinion on whether I should do it or not would be great.

For my last fic, 'Astraphobia' thank you for your continued support, mewsunsetstar. As well as Animefreak1980, rayquazathealmighty and frostfire the reality breaker. Thanks guys, you don't know how happy your reviews made me.

Thank you for reading another shitty work by Iamthecookieninja, may you check the author next time.


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